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dragoon811Alright....I've been working in the service industry for a while now. You know, counter, email, and phone...and whenever I see posts about "the truth of customer service", I get annoyed. The people I see talking are focused on a personal goal or vendetta, and not really giving you any information...or even thinking about the person they are being a pain to on the other end of the line. (Sorry, folks, it's true. You're a bunch of pretentious jerks...)
The nicest people I deal with are Canadians. Seriously, major props, guys. Patient, and SO polite.
1. You're only angry because you're stupid and don't want to admit it.
This really bothers me - being yelled at for your misplaced anger. You misclicked. You didn't read. The best case of this? Parents who buy a game or dvd and are told "this cannot be returned if it has been opened" (This has been policy of stores since at least 1999.). Then they return a few hours later and want to return it....and are angry when they can't. The best part is when they return it to me, and lie to my face and say they didn't know. Sorry, sir, but I told you when I rang you out. Yes, I do remember you, sorry. Also, it's posted on your receipt, and at the registers.
If it's my mistake, I own up to it. Granted, not everyone is as AWESOME as I am....but seriously... it will not kill you to say "hey, I'm really sorry, this was my fault...." I may still have to tell you no, but you'd be surprised as to how little anger you have when you own up to your mistakes.
2. Yelling at me doesn't make me work faster. If I'm slow, it's because of the computer...and I've already told you that three times.
We really do live in a world of "instant" - and, sadly, most people lack the patience and understanding. You can SEE the computer I'm working from in the store. It's old. Heck, it probably boots as C prompt or dos. Not that you care. For those of us on the phone... well, we don't control how fast our computers are, or if we do, we cannot make programs run any faster than possible.
Be. Patient. Please.
3. The sun does not shine out of your rear end.
You are not the only person in line. You are not the only phone call. You are not the only email.
When you know you are going to store XYZ to make a return, here's a thought - have your receipt handy. Don't dig through three weeks of purse trash and wallet fodder looking for one little scrap of paper. If you've lost it, have the card you used ready. Be upfront. "Hi, I need to make a return. I've lost my receipt, but I purchased it with this card about a week ago, can you look it up for me?" works wonders.
If you are sending in an email request - be as clear as possible the FIRST time. "may i mom moon dog face to the banana patch" does not make sense to me. Tell me what you need, clearly, and give me as much information up front as you can. When you don't, it takes longer, which is a bad experience for you. I don't want that. Also, READ and RESPOND to your emails. If we don't get an answer, we have to assume you figured it out. Don't write back in two months, angry at us. Guess what? We keep your emails on file. We know you're stupid.
If you are contacting service by phone, you are the one calling. I am not a genie on the other end of the line who can magically know what you need. Have your information READY. YOU called ME. While you are sitting there going "oh, I don't have that with me, just a moment, I'm going to call so-and-so" or "Hang on, I'll ask my kid", there are at least 3 customers who are now not getting helped because of you. Stop being pissy that this phone call is taking you a long time. It's taking 15 minutes instead of 4 because of YOU...not me.
5. Yes, your child DID lie to and steal from you.
Real shocker - your children are not perfect. They're going to sneak cookies from the jar (or pantry). They're going to play that game you said "no" to at their friend's house. If you tell them no, they just might get into your wallet and take your money to do it themselves.
You are their parent, not their best friend. Your child has faults, just like everyone else. But as a parent, it's your job TO parent. TEACH them the value of money, how what they choose to do affects you and themselves and others, of the difference between right and wrong.
I got punished if I snuck candy or lied - my mom always knew. Then again, she was parenting me....not trying to be my bff. Sure, I have a good relationship with my mom - because I knew she'd tell me straight. I could come to her about anything, and I knew what was right and wrong thanks to her.
And you know what? It really sucks for me to have to tell you that little Timmy's a thief, and little Susie's a liar. It's not fun. I don't like doing it.
6. No, I cannot understand you.
I'm really, really sorry, but I can't. I am sure to you, your accent is perfectly clear. To me, it is not, just like I am sure that to you, you cannot understand me.
You'll notice that I talk slower for you. PLEASE do the same. I don't want to stand there arguing with you for five minutes because you didn't tell me the right thing. If I ask for an email address, don't tell me 123 Main Street, Everytown, USA. Tell me person123@mailservice.whatever. If I ask you to spell it, SPELL it. I'm sure by now you realize that the following letters sound the same: S, F, and X. I and Y. E,B,T,D, P, Z, C and G. M and N. So, when I repeat back to you "t as in tom or p as in peter?" And you say "correct"... WHICH IS IT?! And if I say that I have "P as in peter, a as in apple, l as in larry", etc, don't tell me I have it right, then yell at me three seconds later yelling. "P/T/E/B/D/C/Z/G!!!" I still can't understand you. Give me a reference, like I am doing for you!!!!
I WANT to understand you. I WANT to help you! But you have to meet me halfway.
This also means you, and, I'm sorry to be a bit racist, but those with middle Eastern/Indian/Hispanic backgrounds who have English as a second language... to me, your accents are very thick. You speak WAY too fast. Slow down, but don't treat me like I am lacking in intelligence.
7. Yes, frankly, I DO care.
I don't know what you've heard from reporters and bloggers with personal vendettas, but I am here to HELP you. Yes, I have my company's interests at heart, too, but it's also in my company's interests to be as nice, polite, and helpful to you as I can. If you have a good experience, you will tell your friends to keep coming to the store, right? But if you have a bad experience, you are going to vent about it to everyone within earshot or on your Facebook.
Frankly, I want to do what's right by both sides, and try to find a happy compromise.
If YOUR customer service person doesn't do their job right, don't go crying to everyone about how badly it went - first, think about it. Was the store packed? Was it a holiday? If so, cut them a little slack. They're probably working 16 hours with an hour lunch, and have to be back at 8am. If it's a repeat offender, ask to talk to the manager, or email the company a NICE, well-worded letter. Don't judge an entire company by one person. We don't judge every customer by you.
Hell, if your customer service person does a great job, ask to talk to the manager, or email the company about how awesome they were. We LIKE hearing good things. After a day of feeling like it never ends, because there is always something more to do, hearing ONE nice thing can really make a difference.
8. Your phone etiquette is abominable.
Seriously. It is.
If you are making a phone call, go to a quiet place. Turn off the goddamn television and radio. Don't call a company while you're at Chuck E Cheese or the supermarket. If you're with your children, you need to pay attention to them, especially in a crowded environment. If you're in a public place, that's rude to people who are waiting to assist you there.
NEVER CALL WHILE DRIVING, YOU JERK.
Once it's quiet, make sure you have all of the information you could possibly need. Receipt, account names or numbers, email address you use, billing information. Everything, even if you think we don't need it.
Don't start rambling - tell me what you need. "Hi my name is Mary, and I need to cancel this." is perfect. "Hi my name is gshidutgsivrdugbfvwe, and I went the other day to feed my dog and I saw this and I totally needed it so I went to my mothers house and fed her spider it's trying to kill itself because my voice is so annoying i like the ninja turtles rafael is my favorite the sky is so blue today oh hey a cat here kitty kitty hey i need help canceling are you listening to me are you there i dont know what to do i went to feed my dog the other day and I saw this and - hello hello?" is BAD.
Don't shout into the phone. Just because you cannot hear ME doesn't mean that I am not suffering ear damage from YOU.
If the line is staticy, it's your phone. Move or call back later. Try a landline, if you have access to one.
Don't be rude to me. This is a business phone call. Conduct yourself accordingly, or I WILL end the call. I, too, am a human being, and don't deserve to be treated that way any more than you do. Get over yourself.
9. Learn to leave a voicemail!
If the phone number you dialed doesn't pick up, it means that either that line is busy, someone is already helping a customer, or no one is there. If the voicemail comes on - here are a few tips.
Do NOT call back 5 seconds later. Wait a few minutes and try again, if you REALLY have to.
LEAVE A FREAKING VOICEMAIL! For those of you who call and get the voicemail, then let it sit there for 20 seconds before hanging up, going "Hello?" what the hell happened? Did you FORGET you made a phone call? Did you get distracted by the play of light on the wall and wander off? For those of you who let it run for 6 minutes or more while I hear you and your children screaming in the background, I hate you. You have wasted 6 minutes that I could have been productive. I HAVE to listen to your stupid voicemail, in case you start actually talking.
Speak slowly and clearly. Enunciate. Give me the information I need. "Hi my name is John Everyman, and I am calling from the United States, regarding my account. 123456. I need to cancel. Please give me a call at 12345789, or email me at johneveryman@whatever.whatever". Is awesome.
Speaking slowly, but then speeding up and mumbling like a chipmunk on LSD is BAD. I listened to your message nine times and didn't get anything. So guess what? Now I can't call you back.
Make SURE you leave your name. Even if you THINK your name is easy, SPELL IT CLEARLY. If you name is John, is it Jean? Jon? John? We don't know. Katie? How about Caiti? Katy? Catey? Catie? Keti? Seriously. The clearer you are with the more information, the more likely you are to be called back first. If I think "awesome, I can get this one done quickly, then spend an hour with this guy", I am going to try to reach as many people and help them as possible, and do the hardest one last. You know, like with a math test. Do the easy problems first and come back to the hard ones.
LEAVE YOUR ENTIRE NUMBER. This includes the area code. If you are calling a company that works worldwide, PLEASE leave your country.
Also, a little information - "Hi, it's John, call me back" is NOT helpful. Um, okay, John... did you mistakenly dial this number and listen through the voicemail and not realize it's not your buddy? Or is your opinion of yourself REALLY that self-inflated? Props on the self-esteem, minus points, though, for stupid.
So, there you go. A bit of a rant, but, really.. please work on it, folks. We're working on being nice and polite and smiling. We're human, too.
The nicest people I deal with are Canadians. Seriously, major props, guys. Patient, and SO polite.
1. You're only angry because you're stupid and don't want to admit it.
This really bothers me - being yelled at for your misplaced anger. You misclicked. You didn't read. The best case of this? Parents who buy a game or dvd and are told "this cannot be returned if it has been opened" (This has been policy of stores since at least 1999.). Then they return a few hours later and want to return it....and are angry when they can't. The best part is when they return it to me, and lie to my face and say they didn't know. Sorry, sir, but I told you when I rang you out. Yes, I do remember you, sorry. Also, it's posted on your receipt, and at the registers.
If it's my mistake, I own up to it. Granted, not everyone is as AWESOME as I am....but seriously... it will not kill you to say "hey, I'm really sorry, this was my fault...." I may still have to tell you no, but you'd be surprised as to how little anger you have when you own up to your mistakes.
2. Yelling at me doesn't make me work faster. If I'm slow, it's because of the computer...and I've already told you that three times.
We really do live in a world of "instant" - and, sadly, most people lack the patience and understanding. You can SEE the computer I'm working from in the store. It's old. Heck, it probably boots as C prompt or dos. Not that you care. For those of us on the phone... well, we don't control how fast our computers are, or if we do, we cannot make programs run any faster than possible.
Be. Patient. Please.
3. The sun does not shine out of your rear end.
You are not the only person in line. You are not the only phone call. You are not the only email.
When you know you are going to store XYZ to make a return, here's a thought - have your receipt handy. Don't dig through three weeks of purse trash and wallet fodder looking for one little scrap of paper. If you've lost it, have the card you used ready. Be upfront. "Hi, I need to make a return. I've lost my receipt, but I purchased it with this card about a week ago, can you look it up for me?" works wonders.
If you are sending in an email request - be as clear as possible the FIRST time. "may i mom moon dog face to the banana patch" does not make sense to me. Tell me what you need, clearly, and give me as much information up front as you can. When you don't, it takes longer, which is a bad experience for you. I don't want that. Also, READ and RESPOND to your emails. If we don't get an answer, we have to assume you figured it out. Don't write back in two months, angry at us. Guess what? We keep your emails on file. We know you're stupid.
If you are contacting service by phone, you are the one calling. I am not a genie on the other end of the line who can magically know what you need. Have your information READY. YOU called ME. While you are sitting there going "oh, I don't have that with me, just a moment, I'm going to call so-and-so" or "Hang on, I'll ask my kid", there are at least 3 customers who are now not getting helped because of you. Stop being pissy that this phone call is taking you a long time. It's taking 15 minutes instead of 4 because of YOU...not me.
4. Here, please take this pamphlet for Adult Literacy. PLEASE. You're embarrassing the human race.
As much as I would LOVE to assume that you are literate - I mean, you obviously can sign your name for a credit card - you must not be.
People, you need to READ. See that sign, clearly posted there? Yeah. It's there for you to read it. See that link that says "More Information", or "Terms and Conditions", or how that little question mark pops up an info box? Yeah... also there for you to read it.
Your brain does not get to shut off just because you're no longer reading the speed limit sign - then again, you weren't reading that, either. You and I both know you were speeding, and performing rolling stops, anyways.
I don't care if your spelling and grammar sucks when you write in - mine's sure not perfect. But that doesn't stop you from READING. If you're not reading, it's still your damn fault, so stop blaming it on me.
5. Yes, your child DID lie to and steal from you.
Real shocker - your children are not perfect. They're going to sneak cookies from the jar (or pantry). They're going to play that game you said "no" to at their friend's house. If you tell them no, they just might get into your wallet and take your money to do it themselves.
You are their parent, not their best friend. Your child has faults, just like everyone else. But as a parent, it's your job TO parent. TEACH them the value of money, how what they choose to do affects you and themselves and others, of the difference between right and wrong.
I got punished if I snuck candy or lied - my mom always knew. Then again, she was parenting me....not trying to be my bff. Sure, I have a good relationship with my mom - because I knew she'd tell me straight. I could come to her about anything, and I knew what was right and wrong thanks to her.
And you know what? It really sucks for me to have to tell you that little Timmy's a thief, and little Susie's a liar. It's not fun. I don't like doing it.
6. No, I cannot understand you.
I'm really, really sorry, but I can't. I am sure to you, your accent is perfectly clear. To me, it is not, just like I am sure that to you, you cannot understand me.
You'll notice that I talk slower for you. PLEASE do the same. I don't want to stand there arguing with you for five minutes because you didn't tell me the right thing. If I ask for an email address, don't tell me 123 Main Street, Everytown, USA. Tell me person123@mailservice.whatever. If I ask you to spell it, SPELL it. I'm sure by now you realize that the following letters sound the same: S, F, and X. I and Y. E,B,T,D, P, Z, C and G. M and N. So, when I repeat back to you "t as in tom or p as in peter?" And you say "correct"... WHICH IS IT?! And if I say that I have "P as in peter, a as in apple, l as in larry", etc, don't tell me I have it right, then yell at me three seconds later yelling. "P/T/E/B/D/C/Z/G!!!" I still can't understand you. Give me a reference, like I am doing for you!!!!
I WANT to understand you. I WANT to help you! But you have to meet me halfway.
This also means you, and, I'm sorry to be a bit racist, but those with middle Eastern/Indian/Hispanic backgrounds who have English as a second language... to me, your accents are very thick. You speak WAY too fast. Slow down, but don't treat me like I am lacking in intelligence.
7. Yes, frankly, I DO care.
I don't know what you've heard from reporters and bloggers with personal vendettas, but I am here to HELP you. Yes, I have my company's interests at heart, too, but it's also in my company's interests to be as nice, polite, and helpful to you as I can. If you have a good experience, you will tell your friends to keep coming to the store, right? But if you have a bad experience, you are going to vent about it to everyone within earshot or on your Facebook.
Frankly, I want to do what's right by both sides, and try to find a happy compromise.
If YOUR customer service person doesn't do their job right, don't go crying to everyone about how badly it went - first, think about it. Was the store packed? Was it a holiday? If so, cut them a little slack. They're probably working 16 hours with an hour lunch, and have to be back at 8am. If it's a repeat offender, ask to talk to the manager, or email the company a NICE, well-worded letter. Don't judge an entire company by one person. We don't judge every customer by you.
Hell, if your customer service person does a great job, ask to talk to the manager, or email the company about how awesome they were. We LIKE hearing good things. After a day of feeling like it never ends, because there is always something more to do, hearing ONE nice thing can really make a difference.
8. Your phone etiquette is abominable.
Seriously. It is.
If you are making a phone call, go to a quiet place. Turn off the goddamn television and radio. Don't call a company while you're at Chuck E Cheese or the supermarket. If you're with your children, you need to pay attention to them, especially in a crowded environment. If you're in a public place, that's rude to people who are waiting to assist you there.
NEVER CALL WHILE DRIVING, YOU JERK.
Once it's quiet, make sure you have all of the information you could possibly need. Receipt, account names or numbers, email address you use, billing information. Everything, even if you think we don't need it.
Don't start rambling - tell me what you need. "Hi my name is Mary, and I need to cancel this." is perfect. "Hi my name is gshidutgsivrdugbfvwe, and I went the other day to feed my dog and I saw this and I totally needed it so I went to my mothers house and fed her spider it's trying to kill itself because my voice is so annoying i like the ninja turtles rafael is my favorite the sky is so blue today oh hey a cat here kitty kitty hey i need help canceling are you listening to me are you there i dont know what to do i went to feed my dog the other day and I saw this and - hello hello?" is BAD.
Yes, actually, I DO have several people (sorry again, those with middle Eastern/Indian/Hispanic backgrounds who have English as a second language, you do this ALL THE TIME) who start talking, never breathe, and end a paragraph with "hello? hello?" I HAVEN'T HUNG UP ON YOU! You're talking. I am being POLITE and not interrupting you. Breathe and let me talk.
By the same token, don't interrupt me.
Don't shout into the phone. Just because you cannot hear ME doesn't mean that I am not suffering ear damage from YOU.
If the line is staticy, it's your phone. Move or call back later. Try a landline, if you have access to one.
Don't be rude to me. This is a business phone call. Conduct yourself accordingly, or I WILL end the call. I, too, am a human being, and don't deserve to be treated that way any more than you do. Get over yourself.
9. Learn to leave a voicemail!
If the phone number you dialed doesn't pick up, it means that either that line is busy, someone is already helping a customer, or no one is there. If the voicemail comes on - here are a few tips.
Do NOT call back 5 seconds later. Wait a few minutes and try again, if you REALLY have to.
LEAVE A FREAKING VOICEMAIL! For those of you who call and get the voicemail, then let it sit there for 20 seconds before hanging up, going "Hello?" what the hell happened? Did you FORGET you made a phone call? Did you get distracted by the play of light on the wall and wander off? For those of you who let it run for 6 minutes or more while I hear you and your children screaming in the background, I hate you. You have wasted 6 minutes that I could have been productive. I HAVE to listen to your stupid voicemail, in case you start actually talking.
Speak slowly and clearly. Enunciate. Give me the information I need. "Hi my name is John Everyman, and I am calling from the United States, regarding my account. 123456. I need to cancel. Please give me a call at 12345789, or email me at johneveryman@whatever.whatever". Is awesome.
Speaking slowly, but then speeding up and mumbling like a chipmunk on LSD is BAD. I listened to your message nine times and didn't get anything. So guess what? Now I can't call you back.
Make SURE you leave your name. Even if you THINK your name is easy, SPELL IT CLEARLY. If you name is John, is it Jean? Jon? John? We don't know. Katie? How about Caiti? Katy? Catey? Catie? Keti? Seriously. The clearer you are with the more information, the more likely you are to be called back first. If I think "awesome, I can get this one done quickly, then spend an hour with this guy", I am going to try to reach as many people and help them as possible, and do the hardest one last. You know, like with a math test. Do the easy problems first and come back to the hard ones.
LEAVE YOUR ENTIRE NUMBER. This includes the area code. If you are calling a company that works worldwide, PLEASE leave your country.
Also, a little information - "Hi, it's John, call me back" is NOT helpful. Um, okay, John... did you mistakenly dial this number and listen through the voicemail and not realize it's not your buddy? Or is your opinion of yourself REALLY that self-inflated? Props on the self-esteem, minus points, though, for stupid.
So, there you go. A bit of a rant, but, really.. please work on it, folks. We're working on being nice and polite and smiling. We're human, too.
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no subject
Date: 2011-04-27 12:02 am (UTC)For the record the lady who was dealing with me was a bitch. She was fired about a week after our incident. I've never actually dealt with a customer service rep who pissed me off so much. She couldn't get through her head that I didn't actually know the game couldn't be returned, and she downright blamed me for destroying the game, even though I was there asking to exchange the game for the exact same one we bought only 2 hours earlier. It went from trying to exchange the game, trying to figure out what my options were, to a heated argument because I just didn't know. Oi crazy people.
I don't envy your job though. That's insane. You have patience I could never understand XD
no subject
Date: 2011-04-27 12:16 am (UTC)So don't feel stupid, and yeah.. WalMart. Not exactly noted for their excellent choice in employees rofl.
And fired? If only it was a firing squad, with that much fail! So don't feel stupid. I know it was around 19998 in the US. Idk when Canada picked it up.