(no subject)

Can I just… have a hug?

My dad called a bit ago, Facetime, actually.

My Nammy (his mom) isn’t doing so well. She’s having trouble with fluid, and her heart can’t pump it out, she’s on oxygen, etc. What they were doing was shuttling her back and forth to/from the hospital, but at this juncture that will gain her 5-6 months of pain and discomfort. She also has Sundowner’s (and I hope that was spelled right, I haven’t googled it).

Or they could stop that and let her fade on her own in one, two, three or so months.

She’s terrified of dying in general, and my Uncle Rick is in charge of her living will (no heroics), and was in charge of Grandad’s, too, so he had to make the tough decisions.

He’s elected to stop having her poked or prodded, which she hates, saying “that’s no way to live”. He’s stopped that. All of the other aunts and uncles agree that it’s right. Hell, I agree that it’s right.

But it doesn’t make it any easier that my 92 year old Nammy is going to die soon.

We’re also not telling her. No mention of hospice, or of death. Just going to be there for her and love her. No more making her uncomfortable. Just doing what’s right for her.

I know I don’t see her much, even though I write at least once a month, but I’m so sad.