I'm so fucking lonely

[dragoon811]

God, I am so fucking lonely.

I live with my spouse. My two kids. My two cats.

I work retail, surrounded by people and talking.

And yet...

I am so FUCKING alone.

Who buys the groceries? Who plans the meals? Who packs the lunches? Who arranges daycare/contacts the school for sick days? Makes the to-do list of basic effing chores and then picks up the slack when it's not done/done properly? Pokes someone with a stick to get fucking laundry done? Tells them when to shower? And of course puts gas in the car? Makes sure errands are run? Birthday cards are sent? Arranges for activities etc? Goes to parent night?

I get up. I go to work. I pick up the slack there because the other front end manager is a fucking idiot who doesn't do his goddamn job. We all know it. We're all aware of it. And yet there seems to be nothing we can DO about it, and it SUCKS.

I go to work, knowing my house stuff is laid out. The list is made, it's more than reasonable.
I come home from work, nothing is fucking done.
I come home from work, knowing I've done my job. I've gone above and beyond to make it easier on the other manager (so...you know, it DOES get done...)
I go to work, nothing is fucking done.

I am living in a cycle of complete fuckery. I feel so adrift. Nothing that I do has any meaning. Nothing that I do MATTERS TO ANYONE. Somehow, it is NEVER enough.

I hate myself. I hate my life.