I'm sorry it's been so long since I've said anything. I've been hanging about, reading entries and whatnot on occasion, but mostly...well, I've been feeling really disconnected of late. :(
I've been having such a hard time keeping up on Tumblr, livejournal, fanfic sites, Instagram, Facebook, World of Warcraft... I feel so burnt out lately and don't know how to fix it.
Work is going well, albeit super busy, as we hurtle headlong into the Christmas season. Bobby okay'd my urge to do a Harry Potter Christmas this year, so I have been crafting like a madwoman in between making Christmas presents and other obligations.
I play Wow daily, since the new expansion requires so much upkeep. It's actually very distressing and I can't wait until my main character is "done" so I can do fun stuff again. It's not really fun for me right now, but Bobby is trying his best to drag me along.
I also usually spend my Tuesday nights knitting, which has become a relaxing haven of sorts. Hanging out with a group of ladies who knit and/or crochet and exchanging skills and project ideas is great. The only downside is that as we near the holidays there are a lot more of us and it gets a little crazy! I'm currently working on a hoodled Dalek baby blanket for my friend for Christmas. Tonight I taught myself a bobble stitch (with five stitches! Madness!) and I'm actually very proud of my progress, minus all of the swearing. Apparently I need a filter. I also need to figure out how many stitches I need for a hat for myself with my lovely chunky yarn. I've decided that I require a Snape toque.
Thursdays are still for Dungeons and Dragons, with all of its goodness. I am playing a bard and have finally reached a level where I can take a feat. I have gleefully stolen some rather powerful spells from the Warlock spelllist and intend to create pain and havoc. One more level and my bardic inspiration power will become more useful, which is nice. The game before last, our ranger got himself cursed, struck blind and deaf. Why? Because he attacked two guys who had a shovel. That's why. "Shovel? Oh no! You must want me dead! Well then naughty children? it's murder time!" I fixed him last game, trading precious gems to the local priest to remove the curse. I wonder a lot if I am doing "too much" in game sometimes. I hate to be annoying and I often feel like I am. :(
I am still cooking, still crafting, still struggling to keep the house clean and tidy, and of course still trying to get pregnant. No luck yet; each month is rather soul-crushing. If nothing has happened by March, we'll see a doctor. They'd tell us to try for a year anyway, and that's a year. I have so many friends who are either pregnant or just given birth, and the jealousy is nearly unbearable. To be a mom has been my lifelong dream.
I feel like I can't keep up in my fanfiction. I love to write, I want to write, but it has been slow going. I worry that I am being annoying and people are upset. I don't know if I should join any more fests, either. I feel like a bother: I have nearly 380 emails and unanswered reviews going back over a year. The shame is great. I feel like a waste of space, and often like I don't belong at all. I do trend to flirting with the edges of the groups, feeling shy and like I shouldn't push in and worrying about drama, so perhaps it is my own doing that I feel this way?
Long story short...hello all. Christmas is coming and I am not prepared. I feel panicked, as if a million tiny voices are screaming in terror in my head at low volume. I feel estranged and odd. I blame myself, my mental health, and I am trying to push through it.
Much love to you all.
WHERE I LIVE.
And so many fandom people I admire will be there...BUT IT IS ON SATURDAY AND I DIDN'T KNOW THIS EXISTED UNTIL TONIGHT AND I WORK A FULL DAY AND AAAAAAAH
I signed up for the site so I really hope this happens again next year!!!!!!! (Because I wanna go. And fangirl all over people and get their autographs.)
Ah, well. I've remembered now.
I have a few packages to mail out and some pillowcase orders to fill, but from my last round of mailing cards and packages I am only unsure if two letters reached their destinations, which is grand.
I'm waiting on another fabric order to arrive so that I can make THAT pillowcase order (four! four pillowcases! ah ah ah!) but I need the fabric here so I can go pick out body and accent fabrics. <3
Also, I need to measure my Advanced Potion-Making fabric and see how much I have available so I can make listings for it.
In other news, my Christmas crafting is coming along nicely. I am regretting the moss stitch on this scarf, though. Regreeeeeet.
As you can guess, I have been playing a lot of WoW:Legion of late. I really adore the expansion and my need to write a gamer SSHG fic grows ever more powerful.
Speaking of fics, I'm working on the third chapter of a smutty sequel and the first two chapters are with my beta. :) I'm actually rather proud of myself for that!
I've made some headway on Christmas, though I am, admittedly, concerned about time constraints. You see, I started a scarf cowl thing yesterday and in an effort to be good to my bum wrist I managed to wrench my dominant shoulder. Which isn't grand. To be perfectly honest I feel a bit decrepit. Between the plantar facistis or however you spell it, my permanently-fucked left knee, my wrenches right knee (why oh why), my left bum wrist...well, suffice to say I feel a bit miserable. I've been taking aleve and icing/applying heat as appropriate. To whom do I apply for a new body? My shoulder should heal fairly quickly, and I have a brace for the wrist, so hopefully I will stay on track for Christmas planning.
I made sugar scrub cubes today!! Well, actually, I made sugar scrub gems because of the mold I used, but they came out great! I used a shea butter soap base, and a vanilla-pomegranate fragrance. Sooooooo lovely! I need to get better at molding them but as a trial run they're marvelous and work great!! My neighbour also gave me some coffee grounds for my next test batch. :)
I am planning to leave the house early tomorrow to mail some stuff before work. I hope I get Bobby out the door in time! With luck, the night's rest and meds and heat will have restored my poor strained sore shoulder to its former glory so I can move it without pain once more. :)
I'm rambling. Sorry. I'll shush.
Everything goes wrong. Everyone wants something from you. You are exhausted and can't sleep and are near tears and there simply isn't enough time in a day any more. Routine is shot. Plans are torched. Things that gave you joy are hollow chores. You unintentionally stick your foot in your mouth at every given opportunity and to be honest you really just sort of want to die.
It's that sort of week.
(And before anyone worries, I'm not about to off myself. I am well aware depression lies and I've managed so far I'll keep going. It's just a shitty week.)
But hey, at least I posted on lj within two weeks of my last post, right?
I'm shitty company so I'll just crawl back into my hole where I don't have to pretend to be cheerful or keep talking to try to assure someone what my meaning actually was and where no one will ask me to do anything until about 8:30am.
Here's hoping that I can sleep and sleep well instead of having fairly terrible nightmares.
Send chocolate. And Snapes. And maybe some hugs.
My goal is to post at least bi-weekly...and reply to all the nice commenty people on promptfest (oops).
So...what is up with me, hmm? Not much.
Lady Time is imminent, which sucks, but that means I get to make brownies, the traditional household "appeasing of the uterine beastie". I get my favourite pieces, hubby gets the corners. (He doesn't care which pieces he gets. Strange man. I am all about the sides and the delicious delicious center.)
I have been knitting more! I am over halfway done with the baby blanket I am making for Tanya. She's not due til January, and I know I have a mountain of to-knit for Christmas, but I am really finding that now that I'm halfway it's too heavy so I need to knit on it more so I can rest the weight on my lap. (It's about 30x16 inches so far. I have added in the second ball of yarn without fucking that up. I'm so happy with myself.)
I've been making a progress on my Christmas knitting, too!! ^,^. I have many many things to knit, so I've made a list and have finished the fingerless gloves for Karis, half of the pair for Tiffany, and I've done 2/3 of Sterling's prezzie and need to think up something for her daughter. Thinking a toque in her basketball team's colour.
My birthday was...okay. Mostly alright, really. I worked, which was a bummer, then went to D&D, which was fun. I am honestly a bit sad, though. It was nice having my mom here before my birthday, but it made me miss her more than ever!! I miss my family, and I miss being a kid and getting a lot of cards. (I like presents, don't get me wrong, but snail mail cards make me the HAPPIEST of pandas. I love snail mail. ...that reminds me, it's time to write my grandmother again! She never answers because her memory is atrocious, but I still like to write her.)
But in good news, I got a Birthday Coupon from a store I like here, so I was able to pick up some new bras!! (so comfy. so much cute. so happy) and the comfiest of comfy flannel shirts. And a pair of jeans because one of my old pairs has a hole.
Not that y'all want to hear about my random shopping lol.
I've been working on some writing, albeit slowly. I'm excited about the fics I've been working on, but want to finish them and beta them before I post them. :-D (I vacillate between "aw yeah this is so awesome I love this" and "oh god i and everything i write are trash". It's exhausting.)
I'm still trying to find a copy of the Lothar poster from the WARCRAFT movie for our living room in a size that I like. We have this great big blank wall to the right of the TV and it desperately needs something awesome and nerdy. I have been veto'd on three awesome Star Wars posters (which surprised me!).
Oh and I used some of my birthday money from my mom to buy a new tarot deck mostly because of the art and I AM SO EXCITED but it won't ship for a while. Boo.
In World of Warcraft I finally found a group for Heroic Archimonde and now I have a moose mount!!! Its hooves glow like starlight when it flies, it's MAGICAL. (Eh.)
I am making banana bread today, trying a gingersnape-pecan variety. Going to make a vanilla-molasses glaze. :) I should go glaze it before raid starts.
Managed to finally get around to commenting on Promptfest posts
I read/looked at everything but my phone detests mobile - I've barely touched my computer recentyl - so I forgot to comment until the reveal post went up and promptly went "oh (dirty word)"
In good news, I have begun Christmas present crafting. :) I had to put some aside to do a quick commission and a few other speedy projects, but I have until December, and then until January for some others when my bestie is due! (She's having a baby aaaaaah! I am making her a blanket and cross stitching a bath towel too but eeeeeeee baby!!!! Yay I am so jealous lol We don't know the gender yet but who cares a TARDIS bath towel is going to rock! And I chose the cutest sweetest most calming shade of minty green yarn ever it's going to be sooo cuuuuute) I may be sneaking in some quick projects, too, for some other friends who are pregnant. They're both having boys and I have some really nice yarns that would be so soft on a baby!!
Also, Bobby and I went to the Cursed Child release party in costume! We had a lot of fun doing the various activities and basically basking in the nerdiness. We also entered the costume contest and I won second...while he won first!! :-D I have pics up on facebook. (Also video!) It was lovely.
I also devoured Cursed Child, and while I will forever ignore some parts of "canon", I admit that I loved it. I had been spoiled for part one and had thought "oh god no really??wtf" but I was wrong. I was so SO wrong. The journey and tale and adventure were incredible. I loved the characters and the spells. There were battles and sneaking and angst and heart-warming moments and heart-breaking moments. It took me just over an hour to read it but it was incredible and I really did love it. <3 <3
Not much else new with me - my mom is coming to visit on Wednesday so I am in a flurry of "finish my knitting projects AND clean the house". I've been getting over being sick and still can't really have dairy, which has been prompting some...interesting substitutions when it comes to cooking. Also I have been working. Lots of work. Many big coupons and lately customers have been bastards but hey I'm paid to be cheerful and friendly so that's me!! I have also sporadically been poking at fanfics I am working on. Here's to hoping I can finish some chapters and maybe post something. :(
And if I could get my mother in law to stop pestering about my birthday this month, that'd be great. I don't really have many friends here and I never know my schedule until the wednesday before, so what I really want is a nice quiet day/dinner and maybe a nerdy cake. Is that too much to ask? (Also cards. And a present or two. Flowers would be nice and acceptable as a present.)
Now I should head to bed I have to be up in five hours to take Bobby to work, then come home, clean, then I go to work, then raid in World of Warcraft.
Gnite!!! My goal this month/September is to reply to a bunch of emails/reviews, since my email is at 225 and I am a terrible horrible person I know I am so sorry and that's not even adding in Ashwinder I'm sorry
SSHG Promptfest is in the works, I have two or three cross stitches to do, I have a pair of fingerless gloves to finish, a scarf to make, Promptfest to *finish*, Snape's teaching robes to make, my country's 500th anniversary to plan, a wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped. (OK, those last three were a joke.)
What have I been up to, hmm... (not even checking my last post, so forgive me, please, if I repeat myself.)
I have a job! I am working at Michaels craft store as a cashier. I love it. ♥
Our apartment is super nice and pretty and homey and it's so nice okay I can't even.
I'm learning to knit!! I can knit stitch and purl stitch and I'm not swearing as much as I should be... until I got the snowflake yarn and that stuff was clearly shat out by Satan because IT IS HORRIBLE. WHY. (And I am tempted to pick up a yarn, the name of which is Manchester but I don't need any more yarn okay)
I am running my very first Dungeons & Dragons campaign, and that's actually really fun so far. It's only been two sessions but I seem to be doing okay....though I should stop giving my players hints. Oops. (In my defense, I've never been the Dungeon Master or written a campaign before.)
I am about to leave to get my husband for work, then it is home for dinner, then off to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. (Tonight is pasta and garlic bread. Yum!)
I have tomorrow off, then I work five days straight. (Ew.) So tomorrow I need to work on Bobby's Snape robes so more (modiyfing patters sucks) and make two batches of banana bread. :)
Tuesday I see Bobby hardly at all, as I work 9-1 and he works 12:30-10. I'm sad about that, as it will be our third anniversary. But we'll go out next Saturday for dinner. :)
Hope you're all well, sorry for the random random update. ♥
Actually, I've been really bad about social media stuff in general. Facebook is about the only thing, since it's slow. But I have reviews on Ashwinder I haven't replied to, and at the moment I have precisely 300 emails and I'm honestly sort of in "avoidance" mode. It's a terrible spiral, really.
In good news, I have a job! Yay!!!!! I am now working part time at Michaels craft store here in Canada, and I love my job. It's not many hours to start but I like it a lot. :) I go to work happy, and it's right next to Bobby's work, which is super handy! :)
In good news, I've found a few more sets of mugs, so I can make more like Toblass's drawing for OneCelestialBeing from the SSHG-GIftfest! (http://sshg-giftfest.livejournal.com/
I've been working on some sewing projects. The first I am doing as a small thing to learn how to modify patterns, and so far it's coming along fairly well. :) Then, unfortunately, begins me trying to make Snape's robes. I'm terrified of fucking up, but I think that with a little patience and maybe a little stitch witchery i can make it happen. (Seriously, the more help I can get with the hemming the better!! I'm wishing I had a proper dressform, but dear merlin they're expensive.)
Not much else is up with me, really. I've been really depressed lately and trying to push through it. I get nice moments of happy happy and I can be happy at work..but still. It's not the best all the time.
How are you all? Sorry for being so fail at connecting with people on a regular basis.
I am not the greatest sewer (fantastic at pillowcases, at least.) and am crap at modifying patterns. (I can sew a straight line, yay!) Any help would be amazingly helpful and most appreciated!!!
(Alright. I truly am terrible and this month has gotten away from me. Between the house-selling and moving and residency appointment and unpacking and the general insanity that has been the past month or so, I sort of turned in Giftfest and then promptly forgot it was happening. Because I am terrible.)
My gift posted and IT IS AMAZING AND PERFECT AND I AM SO SO SO SO HAPPY.
See, I got a mystery gift in the mail. Sender's name was a bit illegible, the packing list smeared with damp. Truly, it was a Mystery.
And my husband, practical man that he is, said no Mystery Packages until Christmas.
And of course, when I did realise my gift had posted on SSHG-Giftfest, and THAT THAT WAS WHAT WAS PROBABLY IN THE MYSTERY PACKAGE I promptly lost my shit and my husband is the best best best best BEST ever because he did this for me.
kerravonsen, darling, you made my written up present come to life, so my husband wanted to show you just how much we appreciate it....
Things got utterly crazy, but the house sold!! Our move-out-by date was December 4th (of this year! wtf!) so we had a mad scramble to apply for an apartment lease, pack, and move.
Not to mention that the Immigration folks finally processed my paperwork, and set my appointment for December 1st.
It was lunacy, but we got it done! I am officially a Canadian Permanent Resident! I have a SIN, so I can job-hunt, but I have to wait 4-6 weeks for either my permament residency card or my updated driver's license so I can get my Health Card. (And yet the same person changed my driver's license address with absolutely no proof that I live there....despite the new address being on the paperwork from the government. sigh.)
We also have an apartment now, and we are both really happy here. The cat also seems really happy.
We're almost done unpacking, and it's just...really nice! I'm thinking of doing a video tour once I'm all done lol. We do need to purchase a TV (our old one was his dad's, and a massive tube tv. no.) so Bobby and I are hoping to find a good deal on Boxing Day. And maybe a new couch (our current one is his dad's and kind of a piece of crap lol), with a sleeper so we can have company. But I would need to measure... etc.... And it's not high on the list.
Hmm. What else have I been up to...
Lots of unpacking/decorating. Writing. Working on some fanfics heeheehee. I can't wait until we're fully settled in and everything can go back to some semblance of normalcy...
Christmas soon! We're all decorated and I've been doing some crazy baking. Not as crazy as I usually get, because of space constraints: as much as I love this apartment, I miss our massive kitchen!
How are you all?
Wow. I'm actually posting. It's a miracle!!
Just thought I'd keep you all abreast of the situation.
Wednesday we find out about the house selling. If so, we move December 1st. I know I've said that.
On November 2nd I got an email from CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) saying that they have processed my paperwork, and that they would have their Ottawa office schedule a time for me to come in. Once I have done an interview thing, I find out if the answer for residency is Yes or No.
Which is great, really.
Only one problem.
They emailed and told me when my appointment is.
Eight am. On December 1st.
So it's frustrating timing, but good news! <3
It's several hours because I drive the hubby 45 minutes to work, then either I have to drive 45 minutes home (then go out AGAIN) or spend hours killing time until the showing ends to drive 45 minutes home. Then drive another 45 minutes to go get him...then 45 minutes back.
It sucks. I spend hours hand-writing (I don't have a laptop that's feasible for taking out and about), and I spend hours sitting in the mall food court or in Starbuck's.
For that matter, there's the hours of cleaning every goddamn time.
There's the house-hunting for myself, then realising we can't fucking afford a home that's not, well, SHIT.
So now we're apartment hunting. Desperately.
To top it all off, we've had an offer.
Unfortunately, we won't find out until a week from Wednesday if we'll be selling/getting paid.
However...if this offer DOES go through, our move out date is December 1st.
Also, both Bobby and I are sick. And he hurt his ankle at work yesterday.
Please. Kill me now. Or come over and help me. Or something because I'm more or less sitting in a corner and sobbing.
As you may know, this summer my grandmother passed away at the age of 92. As you may not know, our family planned her funeral for October so that all of us who were far away could be sure to attend.
(Er, don’t worry. She hasn’t been sitting around in a coffin under the deep freeze, she was cremated.)
Long story short, I am going to be away (mostly) for a week to fly to Southern California to attend two uncomfortable Mass, (is it masses? is that the plural for Mass in a church?) as well as a reception to which I will probably be allergic to, and to see her safely interred.
And then I’m going to Disneyland.
(No, really. Nammy used to work there, and I have so many good memories of her there. So my mom has friends who work there who will pass us in and we’re going to go celebrate her life. First ride is totally Peter Pan, which I remember her taking me on. I have a photo, too. Er, somewhere.)So I shall see you all on or after the 7th! Our final flight is a night flight, so I may just sort of….pass out. ^^.;
Once I’m home, my Etsy, Stitchumsempra, will reopen with a coupon code. (So if you were eyeing some of my pillowcases, there’s a sale coming! Yay!)
Love you all, see you later!